The Woman they call Tiger Lorns

January 29, 2011 when I first blogged about this book, and true enough from my forecast I laughed about similar situation that happened in our household, what I didn’t see coming was crying about same feeling I felt back then.

When I was asked by my colleagues if this book was any good I answered, “I don’t know,” I shrugged “I love it because I can relate to it” anyway liking something is subjective so that would depend on the reader.

My mom is not even pure Chinese, and she was not raised the

same way we were. All she was telling us is she needs to work hard for everything she wants in life because they were too many for our Grandmother to supervise. My grandpa is in the army so he is always away for mission and they were nine in the family, my Mom was the second child but the eldest child was sent in the convent so that she can study for free so it was my Mom who took the role of the eldest daughter who happens to assist my grandma in raising the other 7 children. That’s probably why my Mom grew up to be a strong person, not because she wanted to but she needed to.

Back - Ma, Tita Lyn. Front L-R - Tita Luz, Lola Azon, Tita Ludy. Ma's siblings.

And she made sure that we grew up with the same strong character she had. Thus, growing up dealing with her iron fist. I don't know where she got the Chinese way of upbringing, I didn't even know it was the Chinese way, not until this book and asked from Chinese friends. Yes, I did some research from friends who are pure Chinese if it was the same for them.

In Part 1 It says

“The Tiger, the living symbol of strength and power, generally inspires fear and respect”

My sissey used to call my Mom something out of a fable.

“Mother dear we sadly fear”

In Part 3

“Tigers are capable of great love, but they become too intense about it.”

My Mom is not just strict with her children, but with her nieces and nephews too. As a daughter and dealing with her all the time I completely understand why she needed to correct some of my cousins actions. My Mom have a sharp tongue and it is not really for the weak heart. But I was glad when I heard this from my cousin.

“Tita Lorna is actually thoughtful and caring but she says it not with the kind words, not very soft, but in time you realize everything she says is for the best.”

My mom cares too much for everyone, intense is a good adjective to describe how she shows it.

I don’t know how Tigers show their affection to their love ones, Ma is never good with emotions and sweet words but very effective with fierceness. My Family called her Tiger Lorns because everyone feared her, she ran a strict household, with schedule and should exactly do all things her way. I guess, Tiger fits her very well. Feared, respected and very protective.

My Ma in flesh at the back. The usual glare from my Ma, "mataray look"

They might call her Tiger Lorns, but to me she is “Ma”

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother captures the strictness to the children but gave us a clear thought of the Tiger Mother that everything they decide no matter how hard, how strict they will be it is always for their children’s good. Although as described in the book (spoiler alert) there are times that they tend to let us do things because they know they will get half the credit but when you also hear your parents’ friends praises it also makes us a little proud of ourselves. And sometime all that yelling and hard work is worth it.

Ma, sissey and I on a plane, from our 2011 Bohol trip album

There are a lot of things I agree with in this book, one is having a very strict Mom, siblings tend to be closer (i blogged about this, search the site). When we were young most of the time we bond over hating my Mom all because of the yelling and letting you do things you don’t want. When we grew up, we have successfully recruited our Dad (laughing so much now). In the book the eldest daughter is obedient and responsible. I have the same sissey, but what I got from the book is, eldest daughter or son felt the need to be responsible and obedient to serve as a good example to their younger sibling. Oh yes my sister is a very good example. Excelling in school academics, in sports (we play Table Tennis or ping-pong, so very Chinese) being very respectful to others. But I am different, her ways with her might not really work for me. I guess my Mom realized it as well.

Sissey and I in Manila Ocean Park, 2010

Until we reach that certain age that we can make decisions by ourselves, until that time the motto “Mother knows best” is applicable. (Hell, I’m 29 years old and it still applies).

Ma and I, see the resemblance?

I honestly don’t know if the Western way of upbringing will approve this, maybe kids might call 911 for thinking it is abuse. When you were young you tend to hate a lot of things your parents let you do, but growing up I realize I am actually grateful for the way I was brought up. I learned how to be strong, how to look after myself and anticipate my needs. Those summer classes were added skills is really handy most of the times.

I cried a lot of times reading the book, one time I was crying at Starbucks while reading it, how embarrassing is that? The book is nostalgic for me, it brought a lot of memories from growing years and appreciated my Mom more.

I don’t know if every child would want their Mom read this book. I Don’t recommend it if you’re not ready for some beating and yelling. For Mom who wants the best for their children, you can pick up a lot of things from this book.

I love Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, most of the time I have to stop reading just to check that I’m not reading my own story. It might not be applicable for others but what’s important is we all learn from the experiences they brought us. We should not put all the shouting and crying to waste. Afterall, those were done for us to be a better person.

Ma's face in a good mood, circa 1990s