New Year, new hope. I know a lot of you will agree. There will be resolutions waiting to be fulfilled and hopes that are being prayed upon. This entry is not going to be related with any book at all, I just want to blurt out what I'm feeling and I feel that this is the safest place I can write.
Surely there are people who would think I am lucky, don't get me wrong I know I am but that doesn't mean I am happy. I am not happy not because I am not contented but because I feel empty. Everyday I go to work, worked on the loads of task on my desk, mingle with my colleagues, tidy my desk and go home. Check my FB, play a little with my game console, surf the net, read a little (sometimes a lot) then sleep and tomorrow will be another day. I do this to be numb and just go on with my life and let the waves take me wherever with no goals or destination. Whatever happened to me, I don't know. I envy people who have set goals or who had planned a year or a day, because I can't even write anything on my hard earned Starbucks Planner.
What made me this person who's numb and trying to feel no emotions? I don't know. Right now, I feel like I needed somebody to tell me what to do but then again, I know I am the author of my life, the boss of my own and therefore should know what I need and want to do. But every time I try to decide for my own it isn't the best outcome everyone would hope for. I am not getting any younger and already feeling the pressure of life, the feeling of truly knowing oneself. But here I am blogging about being lost in the journey of my so called life.
What i know for sure, i I have to pick up myself and go on. Find something that would keep me going everyday, that would let me look for something to look forward to and wake up smiling.
Pardon my ranting, but I needed this to get off my chest but can't tell anyone. Thanks for reading.
Surely there are people who would think I am lucky, don't get me wrong I know I am but that doesn't mean I am happy. I am not happy not because I am not contented but because I feel empty. Everyday I go to work, worked on the loads of task on my desk, mingle with my colleagues, tidy my desk and go home. Check my FB, play a little with my game console, surf the net, read a little (sometimes a lot) then sleep and tomorrow will be another day. I do this to be numb and just go on with my life and let the waves take me wherever with no goals or destination. Whatever happened to me, I don't know. I envy people who have set goals or who had planned a year or a day, because I can't even write anything on my hard earned Starbucks Planner.
What made me this person who's numb and trying to feel no emotions? I don't know. Right now, I feel like I needed somebody to tell me what to do but then again, I know I am the author of my life, the boss of my own and therefore should know what I need and want to do. But every time I try to decide for my own it isn't the best outcome everyone would hope for. I am not getting any younger and already feeling the pressure of life, the feeling of truly knowing oneself. But here I am blogging about being lost in the journey of my so called life.
What i know for sure, i I have to pick up myself and go on. Find something that would keep me going everyday, that would let me look for something to look forward to and wake up smiling.
Pardon my ranting, but I needed this to get off my chest but can't tell anyone. Thanks for reading.
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